The Crush

Hi Siggy and friends of the page.  My name is Tracy James Jones and I am an indie author, blogger, former actor and artist.  I write multicultural romantic drama and I also dabble in screenwriting. My blog: “Let’s Talk About Books”- is a public forum used to showcase, promote, and support all aspects of Independent & Traditional Literary Entertainment, so please feel free to drop by and introduce yourself anytime.  I love meeting new author/friends and I am always happy to promote their work on my blog.  :o)

Now, in keeping up with the theme Siggy has set for this event, I would like to offer a short piece I wrote that has since been the number one read on my blog, is available as an ebook on Smashwords (free), and has been featured on the Huffington Post as well as other online venues.  The greatest achievement for this work is that it was requested by the International Baccalaureate Organization to use in their world-wide middle years education program for language and literature teacher support material for the next 7 years. Thank you much and happy reading! ~ Tracy J.

He touched me...  Not in any way lascivious or anything.  Just a simple soft brush across and down my shoulder in acknowledgement that he had seen me.  No words were spoken.  Just the touch.  I loved him for that. I always had…

I remember the first time I lay eyes on him.  Third grade.  It’s funny when you grow up in a small town that you end up knowing certain people your whole life.   Can’t say I really knew him, but I knew of him.  I fell into him on the playground and that was all it took.  Didn’t know then what that feeling was or meant, but I knew on sight that there was something special about him.  My innocent admiration of him was immediate.  I suppose he didn’t know what that feeling was at the time either, but he saw me, too.  He simply smiled.  Years later that moment would come back to somewhat haunt me.  Back then, I didn’t know that I had just stumbled into my very first crush.  Silly me.  If my eyes were truly the windows to my soul, I should have had the sense to temper the blinds.

By sixth grade a lot had changed.  Especially within me.  But I wasn’t the only one.  Raging hormones between all the sexes were forcing their way to the surface way beyond leaps and bounds.  By then we all knew what that look meant and it was hardly fully innocent.  I had blossomed out before my own eyes, and when I saw him, well, that thing from the past was like a burning flame racing throughout my entire being.  Call it heat, or passion, or just aching preteen desire to be close to someone who had stolen my childhood heart.  It had nothing to do with sex, not really, but something more unnameable.  Three years later and just looking at him pulled me back through time.  I longed for him.  Maybe somewhat physically, but mostly, I just wanted to be near him.  Still, he never said a word.  But he did smile at me sometimes.  Just a friendly gesture, really.  He always did that in the passing years. With everything else going on in our young lives, I felt that was more than enough to hold on to.  The fact that we had never held a conversation was a minor missing end to the overall means. 

And then there was high school. Just the mention of that place can be summed up as pure hell.  The world of love, sex, lies, and heartbreak had at one point or another affected nearly all.  To me, in this final introduction to adulthood, it hardly made sense to chance your deepest emotions to anyone.  But that is exactly what I did.    I loved and lost as anyone else. Almost too much. I suffered my despair in the shadows.  He was so popular I figured he didn’t have time to notice.  Just before we took our final walk into freedom, I heard in a whispered conversation that he had said that he knew me. I didn’t know he even remembered my name.

Class Reunion – Twenty years later.  Standing in a crowded room with a bunch of people and faces I could barely recognize.  But still, old emotions came rushing back upon me as if my past was flashing before my eyes.  And then, across the room, I saw him.  Time had been very good to him. When he smiled, I saw that he noticed me too, so I turned and headed in the opposite way.   I was cornered by another childhood friend when he moved to touch me. Just a simple soft brush across and down my shoulder in acknowledgement that he had seen me. No words were spoken.  Just the touch.  I loved him for that. I always had. I guess I always will…

Contact:

Twitter: http://twitter.com/Hatchiekid Blog: http://tracyjamesjones.wordpress.com/ 

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tracy-James-Jones/110692882366182

Lasting Relationships

Meet our next writer from across the world: Lynelle Clark lives in Gauteng, South Africa. Her writing career began in 2010. Lynelle has always loved to read books, in which she discovers new worlds. 

 

 When Siggy Buckley asked me to write a post about love, dating and/or relationships, I had no idea where to start. It took me a few days to come up with something to say, which I hope will maybe touch someone craving for an answer or hope in the times we are living in.

I chose to write about lasting relationships.

As a romance author, as well as a reader of romance novels, love and dating is a topic that is frequented in books, and it differs from one to the other. The variety causes no wrong or right answer when two people meet finding that mutual connection, go on a few dates and fall in love. It differs in couples, in individuals, and even in cultures.

In relationships, there are things that stay the same, always. It does not matter what color, race, age, culture, or the country we live in. The fundamentals of a relationship are always the same.

It is about trust and support – being there when the world dumps a load of unexpected things on us, whether in happy or sad times, times when we just need a hug whatever the circumstances may be. As people, we are born with the desire to connect with someone, to be close to a person, to be validated as a person. As time goes by, our experiences cause us to isolate ourselves, some even becoming hermits because of said experiences.

At first, it is our mother; the woman who gave birth to us. Right from the start, a bond is formed that cannot be broken. It makes no difference how much we mess up – she will remain faithful, and at our side through the bad and the good times. I am fortunate enough to still have my mother. At the age of sixty-nine, she is still a strong pillar I am able to lean on. When we went through a few rough spots in our life, she was the one who stepped up and helped without judging – always ready to give what was needed at that time.

The second bond is with our father; the silent man who never says much but whose strength, wisdom and determination is what makes us stronger. He gives us the courage to face our fears, helps us when we fall, and protects us from heartache and disaster. He pushes us to be the best we can be, always at the ready with an encouraging word.

I know that for many this is not the case, and they learn early on that loneliness is a way of life. My heart always breaks when I come across such a person. The distrust and the hurt never goes away. They wear it like armor, because they have learned that they are the only person they can count on. Our society is peppered with many people who have adapted, and now lead healthy lives despite their drawbacks. I admire these people for their strength and perseverance.

The third bond is normally with our siblings, but since in my family I am the eldest – with many moons separating my siblings and me – we never really formed one. Nevertheless, since I have three children of my own, I have encouraged friendship between them from an early age. It is good to have friends, because the value of friendship can never be determined or undermined, but the friendship with a brother or sister surpasses even that. It is a lasting relationship that will continue when friends leave, parents pass away and our world is turned on its head with no lifeline to hold on to. The relationships with siblings keep us on track, helps us to cope, and to hang on; to keep on fighting, to stand when there is nothing else left to do. They are that voice in our heads that will harass us constantly to be the better person, that remind us of our parents’ values and teachings to become winners, no matter what. Their devotion, love and determination will be the light that guides us on our path, always.

I know that for many it is not possible, that history has left a mark of distrust toward siblings, or even parents due to circumstances; there are too many to name. Here’s an example, though; relationships that have deteriorated, or have broken down so that nothing is left but the empty shells, does in no way mean that people cannot start within their own family and highlight the significance of bonds between parents and children, even if they missed it themselves. The value of it remains priceless, and you can begin with good, lasting relationships within your own family, being the example you have craved all your life.

In April, I will be married for thirty years. Can you believe that? Sometimes, I cannot. It is the longest relationship that I have ever had with one person other than with my parents and family. A relationship that has had its fair share of joy and sadness, and at times tested our strength to its limit where we really had to work hard at it just to stay afloat. It was not an easy walk, and I will not sugarcoat it; it was hard. When two people come together, they create an eternal bond. Even if they separate that bond will always remain. It is hard work to stay together, to compromise with each other, to find that mutual place of contentment and peace. It does not come easy, but is it worth it? Yes, it is, because it does give us a place of comfort and safety, a place where we feel we belong.

Again, I know it differs from marriage to marriage; I did enough counseling to know that it is sometimes better to walk away and start over than it is to be miserable together. For instance, I was never a person who encouraged an abused woman to stay in a marriage when it was clear her life was in danger. That is stupid, but many church counselors place these people in guilt-ridden ‘prisons’ so to speak, telling them that it is a sin to leave. I had huge arguments about this with these very church counselors.

However, the beauty of life is that we can always start over, always have that place where we can start afresh, and not be the person who constantly hides away.

The ultimate lasting relationship you have is with yourself. I am forty-nine years old, yep old, I know J, and up until a few years back, I had no idea who I really was. I could not look at myself in the mirror. I felt guilty and I felt ashamed, hiding away for so long with ultimately no idea as to the why. But as I previously mentioned, it is only recently I was able to do that, to open up, to be happy with who I am. I had to learn to accept myself, to remove the negative things people had placed on me and be okay with who I am. I had to know myself and now that I do, I do not feel guilty or ashamed anymore. I do not have to justify my actions to anyone but myself. I can build on my own strength, and my own wisdom. Yes, I still make mistakes, because I am still learning things about this new world I am living in, but every time a new lesson is learned, it only makes me stronger, wiser and more comfortable with myself.

This changes from person to person; there is no right or wrong answer. There is just that place you know is the best place for you to be. For you to be you.

Lynelle Clark

Aspired Writer: http://lynelleclarkaspiredwriter.blogspot.com/

Website: http://www.lynelle-clark.sabnsite.com/

In The Limelight with...http://authorslimelight.blogspot.com/

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6478179.Lynelle_Clark

Authors Page: http://www.facebook.com/Aspiredwriter2012?ref=hl

                                  

New Year -- New Possibilities and New Encounters

   

                                                        (Courtesy of http://all-free-download.com)
Happy New Year to all my readers, single, divorced or dating again or not!

At this time of year, most of us make resolutions for what they want to achieve. Without having statistical evidence to prove it, I dare say more of them will be broken than actually accomplished. But we keep trying-- that's human nature and that is a good thing.

In the run-up to Valentine's Day, you will find contributions by different writers that deal with love (lost & found), relationships and dating. I invited a number of authors and bloggers who write about this topic; some are new to this subject --at least in writing as we all have had experience with it in our lives.

I'm inviting you to check in here to for entertainment. Maybe you want to compare notes if you're in the dating trenches as well or perhaps even find some useful tips. I'm particularly looking forward to articles from male writers. Love  and romance is widely considered to be a female domain.

My Facebook site Singles & Dating Advice has offered many a good reference to dating related sites and given useful information.; some humorous advice too. You will make me very happy if you Like  that page or my other  one Next Time Lucky on FB.
Although I don't work as a matchmaker anymore, this subject seems to follow me around, but I want to get some  others involved and share their perspectives with you.

Let's make 2014 a good year--whether you find your soulmate or not.

                                                        (Thanks again to http://all-free-download.com)

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

  Welcome to my First Guest Blogger, Linda Bolton!

Whether you've met on a dating site, were old high school friends, or friends introduced you, you run into the same issue. How do you know if he likes you?

We all have had experiences where you think you hit it off and then you never hear from him again. What did you do wrong? Did you do something wrong? Or was it him? How do you know if he's into you?

I have a guy friend that tells me if you're on a first date and he doesn't ask you for a follow-up date before you get into your car, he's not that into you. Do you think so? If that's the case, I have had quite a few dates that were not that interested in me.

I have a guy friend that tells me there are certain topics that are off limits on a first date; i.e. exes, money, sex, and illnesses. At fifty years old, there isn't that much else to talk about. Guess that explains, maybe, why they didn't set up a second date.

Then there's the person you've text and online chatted with for weeks. You totally have a ton in common. Then you have that first phone call. They don't sound how you expect. They aren't as witty on the phone as they are in chat. You think it might just be you and you agree to that first meeting. Yeah, lets just say, its as bad as the phone call. You don't want them to ask for a second date.

Ok, here's the exception...you chat and text great conversations. You talk on the phone and he's as witty and funny as you expected. You meet up and you talk about all the things you aren't supposed to. And, guess what? He even asks for a second date. So, what's the moral of the story? I have no idea what the winning combo is. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Tell me about your experience. How do you know you'll ask for a second date? What tells you not to? What topics are taboo for you on the first date?

Valentine’s Day, synonymous with love and romance, is once again bombarding us with all things red and pink remotely associated with amore and desire. Sandwiched between Christmas and St. Patrick’s Day, it is one of the most commercialized days of the year. A frenzy that takes hold of the country every year leading up to the 14^th of February:  from cards to flowers, teddy bears to underwear, chocolates to jewelry, and not to mention red balloons labeled, “For the one I love this Valentine’s.” And now “Love locks” or Valentine padlocks started cropping up in the most romantic cities of Europe like in Paris or Rome. This is how it works: Lovers have their names engraved in a padlock, lock it to some bridge, monument or fence and throw away the key. Ah…tied together forever. Ain’t that sweet?
So far I haven't heard objections to this new trend from environmentalists. Surely tons of discarded metal keys thrown into rivers present some damage to the environment? How about the clean up? Are these love toys here to stay?

Inventive marketers sell this novelty gimmick as ‘a unique twist on a centuries old tradition that symbolizes the locking of your life and love’. A variation on tying the knot? Well, a ring never was a guarantee for eternal love and romance anyways. Divorce statistics are proof for that. An old fashioned locket with a locke of hair or picture  of the beloved ─ now that’s what I would call a romantic token of oneness.

"Does anybody waste a thought about those among us that don’t have a beloved? A love of their life? Not even a temporary one?  What about those who never even had a love of any kind? Or about those who have lost one?

When I grew up in Germany, I never even knew that this heavenly day existed. I can’t say when it reached the German shores; probably in those years when I was already married and had moved to Ireland. I received my first Valentine’s card at 35 from an elderly gentleman who picked up his grandchildren from the same school that my kids frequented. It read “To the one I am dreaming about.”

Mortified, yet tickled pink, I took it home to my husband who was working on the farmyard.  He was aghast.  I think that’s when he first learned about the existence of Valentine’s Day.

“If you ask me, it’s all one big commercial hype over nothing,” he called down from his tractor, scratching his head.  And ever the lyrical poet, he added, “Just another day for selling things, what with Christmas being over and Easter far away.  Just like the fad of Mother’s Day.”

With that clarified, he put his woolly cap back on and returned to his task at hand,  cleaning up the manure on the yard.  Needless to say, I never got a Valentine’s card from him after that." (Excerpt from: Next Time Lucky").

I hate to admit that now many years, many admirers and many Valentine cards later, I agree with my now ‘Ex’. The last straw proving the commercialism of V-Day are the ravioli on sale at this time of the year. Yes, you guessed it. Heart-shaped and red.               d.
The frenzy of Valentine’s Day may be a necessary boost to the economy but also a time in a single’s life that many would happily skip over unmarked.
Be warned - these padlocks may be coming to a bridge near you...

Do you Dread V-Day?

"It was the last week in January.  Back in my own home, tuned in to my favorite Irish radio station and presenter, I was listening to him talk about the Winter Blues.  January 27th had been proclaimed the worst day of the year.  A Welsh academic had worked out a formula based on bad weather, being broke, fading Christmas memories and failed New Year's resolutions.  The result was that you'd be better off staying under the covers on that day, the most miserable day of the year.  Never mind my broken heart.  The researcher had not even needed to take that into consideration.  Welcome back to Ireland, real life and it’s back to business, Cherie.
The following days found me somewhat lethargic, lack luster and depressed.  My business and the presence of Patrick in the house kept me from falling into a catatonic state.  The weather didn’t help, nor did the upcoming Valentine’s frenzy that takes hold of the country every year leading up to the 14^th of February.  Wherever I went something would remind me that this was an important day to celebrate love.  Shop displays with everything in red  − from cards to flowers, teddy bears to underwear, chocolates to jewelry, and not to mention red balloons labeled, “For the one I love this Valentine’s.” But what about those of us that don’t have one?

Cards the size of paintings stared at me from shop windows “To the love of my life.” What about those who never even had a love of any kind? Or about those who had lost one?

Book your seat in a restaurant for that night because couples will be out in force, and only show your face at the hostess stand if you have someone on your arm; otherwise, your restaurant experience will run into a depression avalanche.  Secure advertising space in your local or even national paper! So that the world can see that you have a sweetheart who loves you and that you are not alone on this heavenly day.

Surely, I wasn’t the only one in the world who felt this way? And to be hoping that some unknown stranger had secretly been pining for my attention sounded like a child’s fairy tale or a thought some pubescent teenagers would occupy themselves with. Growing up in Germany, Valentine’s Day hadn’t played a big role.  I can’t say when it reached the German shores, probably in the 90s once we had already moved to Ireland.  To tell the truth, it was not until I was married and living in Ireland that I had realized this holiday existed.  But my then husband was not much of a romantic, so I didn’t receive a card then either.  The first occasion I ever received a card is almost too embarrassing to mention.

It happened while Bernard and I were married and lived on the farm.  My children attended a Catholic prep school in Limerick, and I took them there by car every day in the morning and picked them up in the afternoon.  Sometimes while I was waiting for them to come out of the building, I talked to an old gentleman who was there to collect his grandson.  We chatted about the school, the weather, and gardening mostly.  But one fine Valentine’s Day this man gave me my first Valentine’s Day card, which read “To the one I am dreaming about.”

It was perfectly lovely to be admired and desired, but for him to express such sentiments that could never be said aloud made for one awkward situation.  Apparently, he thought that my children and marriage, and the 30 years between us might just be overcome by an admission of boyish longing.

Mortified, yet tickled pink, I took it home to Bernard who was working on the farmyard.  He was aghast.  I think that’s when he first learned about the existence of Valentine’s Day.

“If you ask me, it’s all one big commercial hype over nothing,” he called down from his tractor, scratching his head.  And ever the lyrical poet, he added, “Just another day for selling things, what with Christmas being over and Easter far away.  Just like the fad of Mother’s Day.”

With that clarified, he put his woolly cap back on and returned to his task at hand,  cleaning up the manure on the yard.  Needless to say, I never got a Valentine’s card from him after that, but I have received quite a few since I left him.

So, do you leave a man who doesn’t give you cards or flowers on Valentine’s Day? In the long run, a man who sees no purpose in romance or affectionate gestures is undoubtedly worse than an old codger who hits on you in a schoolyard."

Excerpt from Next time Lucky: Lessons of a Matchmaker