MARRIED IN GREECE- HUSBANDS

When you first met, him he was fit as a fiddle. Sleeping with him was like sleeping with a blissfully peaceful baby. Banal thoughts such as “snacking” or even “eating” never occurred to him, unless his beloved stomach was completely empty, that is.

You used to share the same interests, the same concerns, the same visions, the same hopes.

You felt like the Luckiest- Woman- on- Earth.

Every time he saw you in front of the sink, he rushed to take your apron off, put the greasy frying pan aside and make wild sex to you. Let alone that afterwards, he sometimes washed the frying pan for you!

Your wish was an order. His kindness, as well as his chivalry, almost scared you. There were times when you found yourself on the verge of panic: “Who am I to deserve such happiness?”

From the blessed day when you met him, your life turned into a paradise full of tempting promises: of companionship, amusement, wellbeing, happiness, abundant and satisfactory sex.

What’s more, this one and only exemplary creature, this rare masterpiece, this marvel, wished with all his heart to make you his wife!

In short, he didn't just want to fool around, have some fun and dump you right after that. Nope! He wished to unite his life and his future with yours. You’re still wondering how you didn’t burst from happiness during that period of time.

Hence, although you were not a fan of marriage, although even the sound of the word “bonds” scared you to death, you finally gave in. Even worse, you agreed to appear in the church  (although you would have preferred  a civil wedding), in a wedding gown  (in spite of how ridiculous you felt) You see, your sweetheart’s parents happened to be pious and he also happened to be their first offspring to get married!

It was thanks to your tolerance and your acquiescence that some of his parents’ dreams came true.

In such a state of bliss, you entered what till then you considered an awesome dream. Unaware, of course, that that was the exact moment when your own personal nightmare was setting in.

For, it was right after the mystery of your marriage that things –mysteriously- started to change.

The first thing to change was his weight. The fit, cool boy you met and fell in love with, started to show an increasing appetite. Well, that might have been your fault. You were always cooking some specialty (or maybe it was his tendency to relax and let things –kilos included- find their way? Who knows?)

The usual weekend entertainment of cinemas and theaters has been replaced by tavernas and restaurants. The fit, muscly –yet slim- “athlete” of yours, has gradually turned into a sumo wrestler.

Every six months, just like a baby during his growth spurts, your “infant” needed new –larger sized- pants. Nevertheless you, just like the good mommy every wife is expected to be, felt blissfully happy that your sweetheart truly appreciated your cooking. You see, you had no idea what was awaiting.

Soon after, partly due to his weight increase –and partly to the fact that he had been suffering from adenoids since he was a child- your baby-love started snoring. Lightly and timidly at first, but now- in most recent years- either gasping like a train going uphill (the good news) or roaring like the Giant in the tale of “Jack and the Beanstalk.”(the not-so-good-news). Both “news” unbearable…

From then on, the washing up finished in no time . You must admit though that this was your fault: always tired, always stressed out, always exhausted. You see, you had already given birth to your first child and instead of becoming happier and in a better  mood, you kept grumbling all the time: because you didn’t have time for yourself, because your life’s journey was restricted to the one and only daily trip from work to home and vice versa.

No need to say that your desires were regarded as being more and more “preposterous”, “unrealistic”, “unacceptable”; As for Chivalry, every time he walked before you, always that is, the door banged in your face. “Equality”: wasn’t that your ideal?

That was the exact moment when you started wondering “Do I deserve to be so unhappy?”

What’s worse, this selfish person, this bloody egoist wouldn’t divorce you for any reason. In short, having ensconced himself, having found the sucker of his life, he wouldn’t risk losing his comfort. Let alone that you already had a kid.

 It’s a wonder how you didn't blow your brains out as soon as you realized the situation. Although you suddenly became a divorce fan, you made a virtue of necessity, and stayed in this marriage (that had already become a prison for you.) What’s more, you gave birth to a second child.  Self-destructiveness at its peak.

And had you not got a problem with your ovarian cysts, you would have given birth to a third child. As for your finances, they were already going downhill. You see, among all other brilliant ideas, you had decided to quit your job, too.

“A woman's place is in the home” was the saying that persuaded you to commit this absolutely fatal mistake. “Either you’re a mom or you’re a working person”. Just like we say “Smoking or Health, «Black or White”.  All kinds of false dilemmas.

So, you remained at home, chasing the dust and doing the laundry.

Every time you dusted your degrees you experienced some kind of depression. Your mind was overwhelmed by immature, crazy thoughts like “What the fuck? I’ve studied three languages to have my “sweetheart” telling me that I’m bigmouthed? Did I need an MBA  in order to do everyday household chores?

Thankfully, you soon recuperated by just concentrating on the consoling thought: “A woman’s most important role is being a mother”

You now are wondering why on earth (after this tremendous “cast”, starring you -as the mother, your husband -the proud father, featuring your two cute children, all of you immersed in happiness), you ended up swallowing antidepressants. Well, don’t ask me:

Ask the specialists!     

    

Kate (the Greek Bad Girl!) Papas

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Lasting Relationships

Meet our next writer from across the world: Lynelle Clark lives in Gauteng, South Africa. Her writing career began in 2010. Lynelle has always loved to read books, in which she discovers new worlds. 

 

 When Siggy Buckley asked me to write a post about love, dating and/or relationships, I had no idea where to start. It took me a few days to come up with something to say, which I hope will maybe touch someone craving for an answer or hope in the times we are living in.

I chose to write about lasting relationships.

As a romance author, as well as a reader of romance novels, love and dating is a topic that is frequented in books, and it differs from one to the other. The variety causes no wrong or right answer when two people meet finding that mutual connection, go on a few dates and fall in love. It differs in couples, in individuals, and even in cultures.

In relationships, there are things that stay the same, always. It does not matter what color, race, age, culture, or the country we live in. The fundamentals of a relationship are always the same.

It is about trust and support – being there when the world dumps a load of unexpected things on us, whether in happy or sad times, times when we just need a hug whatever the circumstances may be. As people, we are born with the desire to connect with someone, to be close to a person, to be validated as a person. As time goes by, our experiences cause us to isolate ourselves, some even becoming hermits because of said experiences.

At first, it is our mother; the woman who gave birth to us. Right from the start, a bond is formed that cannot be broken. It makes no difference how much we mess up – she will remain faithful, and at our side through the bad and the good times. I am fortunate enough to still have my mother. At the age of sixty-nine, she is still a strong pillar I am able to lean on. When we went through a few rough spots in our life, she was the one who stepped up and helped without judging – always ready to give what was needed at that time.

The second bond is with our father; the silent man who never says much but whose strength, wisdom and determination is what makes us stronger. He gives us the courage to face our fears, helps us when we fall, and protects us from heartache and disaster. He pushes us to be the best we can be, always at the ready with an encouraging word.

I know that for many this is not the case, and they learn early on that loneliness is a way of life. My heart always breaks when I come across such a person. The distrust and the hurt never goes away. They wear it like armor, because they have learned that they are the only person they can count on. Our society is peppered with many people who have adapted, and now lead healthy lives despite their drawbacks. I admire these people for their strength and perseverance.

The third bond is normally with our siblings, but since in my family I am the eldest – with many moons separating my siblings and me – we never really formed one. Nevertheless, since I have three children of my own, I have encouraged friendship between them from an early age. It is good to have friends, because the value of friendship can never be determined or undermined, but the friendship with a brother or sister surpasses even that. It is a lasting relationship that will continue when friends leave, parents pass away and our world is turned on its head with no lifeline to hold on to. The relationships with siblings keep us on track, helps us to cope, and to hang on; to keep on fighting, to stand when there is nothing else left to do. They are that voice in our heads that will harass us constantly to be the better person, that remind us of our parents’ values and teachings to become winners, no matter what. Their devotion, love and determination will be the light that guides us on our path, always.

I know that for many it is not possible, that history has left a mark of distrust toward siblings, or even parents due to circumstances; there are too many to name. Here’s an example, though; relationships that have deteriorated, or have broken down so that nothing is left but the empty shells, does in no way mean that people cannot start within their own family and highlight the significance of bonds between parents and children, even if they missed it themselves. The value of it remains priceless, and you can begin with good, lasting relationships within your own family, being the example you have craved all your life.

In April, I will be married for thirty years. Can you believe that? Sometimes, I cannot. It is the longest relationship that I have ever had with one person other than with my parents and family. A relationship that has had its fair share of joy and sadness, and at times tested our strength to its limit where we really had to work hard at it just to stay afloat. It was not an easy walk, and I will not sugarcoat it; it was hard. When two people come together, they create an eternal bond. Even if they separate that bond will always remain. It is hard work to stay together, to compromise with each other, to find that mutual place of contentment and peace. It does not come easy, but is it worth it? Yes, it is, because it does give us a place of comfort and safety, a place where we feel we belong.

Again, I know it differs from marriage to marriage; I did enough counseling to know that it is sometimes better to walk away and start over than it is to be miserable together. For instance, I was never a person who encouraged an abused woman to stay in a marriage when it was clear her life was in danger. That is stupid, but many church counselors place these people in guilt-ridden ‘prisons’ so to speak, telling them that it is a sin to leave. I had huge arguments about this with these very church counselors.

However, the beauty of life is that we can always start over, always have that place where we can start afresh, and not be the person who constantly hides away.

The ultimate lasting relationship you have is with yourself. I am forty-nine years old, yep old, I know J, and up until a few years back, I had no idea who I really was. I could not look at myself in the mirror. I felt guilty and I felt ashamed, hiding away for so long with ultimately no idea as to the why. But as I previously mentioned, it is only recently I was able to do that, to open up, to be happy with who I am. I had to learn to accept myself, to remove the negative things people had placed on me and be okay with who I am. I had to know myself and now that I do, I do not feel guilty or ashamed anymore. I do not have to justify my actions to anyone but myself. I can build on my own strength, and my own wisdom. Yes, I still make mistakes, because I am still learning things about this new world I am living in, but every time a new lesson is learned, it only makes me stronger, wiser and more comfortable with myself.

This changes from person to person; there is no right or wrong answer. There is just that place you know is the best place for you to be. For you to be you.

Lynelle Clark

Aspired Writer: http://lynelleclarkaspiredwriter.blogspot.com/

Website: http://www.lynelle-clark.sabnsite.com/

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