Meet our next writer from across the world: Lynelle
Clark lives in Gauteng, South
Africa. Her writing career began in 2010.
Lynelle has always loved to read books, in which she discovers new worlds.
When Siggy Buckley asked me to write a post about love, dating and/or
relationships, I had no idea where to start. It took me a few days to come up
with something to say, which I hope will maybe touch someone craving for an
answer or hope in the times we are living in.
I chose to write about lasting relationships.
As a romance author, as well as a reader of romance novels, love and
dating is a topic that is frequented in books, and it differs from one to the
other. The variety causes no wrong or right answer when two people meet finding
that mutual connection, go on a few dates and fall in love. It differs in
couples, in individuals, and even in cultures.
In relationships, there are things that stay the same, always. It does
not matter what color, race, age, culture, or the country we live in. The
fundamentals of a relationship are always the same.
It is about trust and support – being there when the world dumps a load
of unexpected things on us, whether in happy or sad times, times when we just
need a hug whatever the circumstances may be. As people, we are born with the
desire to connect with someone, to be close to a person, to be validated as a
person. As time goes by, our experiences cause us to isolate ourselves, some
even becoming hermits because of said experiences.
At first, it is our mother; the woman who gave birth to us. Right from
the start, a bond is formed that cannot be broken. It makes no difference how
much we mess up – she will remain faithful, and at our side through the bad and
the good times. I am fortunate enough to still have my mother. At the age of
sixty-nine, she is still a strong pillar I am able to lean on. When we went
through a few rough spots in our life, she was the one who stepped up and
helped without judging – always ready to give what was needed at that time.
The second bond is with our father; the silent man who never says much
but whose strength, wisdom and determination is what makes us stronger. He
gives us the courage to face our fears, helps us when we fall, and protects us
from heartache and disaster. He pushes us to be the best we can be, always at
the ready with an encouraging word.
I know that for many this is not the case, and they learn early on that
loneliness is a way of life. My heart always breaks when I come across such a
person. The distrust and the hurt never goes away. They wear it like armor,
because they have learned that they are the only person they can count on. Our
society is peppered with many people who have adapted, and now lead healthy
lives despite their drawbacks. I admire these people for their strength and
perseverance.
The third bond is normally with our siblings, but since in my family I am
the eldest – with many moons separating my siblings and me – we never really formed
one. Nevertheless, since I have three children of my own, I have encouraged
friendship between them from an early age. It is good to have friends, because the
value of friendship can never be determined or undermined, but the friendship
with a brother or sister surpasses even that. It is a lasting relationship that
will continue when friends leave, parents pass away and our world is turned on its
head with no lifeline to hold on to. The relationships with siblings keep us on
track, helps us to cope, and to hang on; to keep on fighting, to stand when
there is nothing else left to do. They are that voice in our heads that will
harass us constantly to be the better person, that remind us of our parents’
values and teachings to become winners, no matter what. Their devotion, love
and determination will be the light that guides us on our path, always.
I know that for many it is not possible, that history has left a mark of
distrust toward siblings, or even parents due to circumstances; there are too
many to name. Here’s an example, though; relationships that have deteriorated,
or have broken down so that nothing is left but the empty shells, does in no
way mean that people cannot start within their own family and highlight the
significance of bonds between parents and children, even if they missed it themselves.
The value of it remains priceless, and you can begin with good, lasting
relationships within your own family, being the example you have craved all
your life.
In April, I will be married for thirty years. Can you believe that?
Sometimes, I cannot. It is the longest relationship that I have ever had with
one person other than with my parents and family. A relationship that has had its
fair share of joy and sadness, and at times tested our strength to its limit
where we really had to work hard at it just to stay afloat. It was not an easy
walk, and I will not sugarcoat it; it was hard. When two people come together,
they create an eternal bond. Even if they separate that bond will always
remain. It is hard work to stay together, to compromise with each other, to
find that mutual place of contentment and peace. It does not come easy, but is
it worth it? Yes, it is, because it does give us a place of comfort and safety,
a place where we feel we belong.
Again, I know it differs from marriage to marriage; I did enough
counseling to know that it is sometimes better to walk away and start over than
it is to be miserable together. For instance, I was never a person who
encouraged an abused woman to stay in a marriage when it was clear her life was
in danger. That is stupid, but many church counselors place these people in
guilt-ridden ‘prisons’ so to speak, telling them that it is a sin to leave. I
had huge arguments about this with these very church counselors.
However, the beauty of life is that we can always start over, always have
that place where we can start afresh, and not be the person who constantly
hides away.
The ultimate lasting relationship you have is with yourself. I am
forty-nine years old, yep old, I know J, and up until a few
years back, I had no idea who I really was. I could not look at myself in the
mirror. I felt guilty and I felt ashamed, hiding away for so long with
ultimately no idea as to the why. But as I previously mentioned, it is only recently
I was able to do that, to open up, to be happy with who I am. I had to learn to
accept myself, to remove the negative things people had placed on me and be
okay with who I am. I had to know myself and now that I do, I do not feel
guilty or ashamed anymore. I do not have to justify my actions to anyone but
myself. I can build on my own strength, and my own wisdom. Yes, I still make
mistakes, because I am still learning things about this new world I am living
in, but every time a new lesson is learned, it only makes me stronger, wiser
and more comfortable with myself.
This changes
from person to person; there is no right or wrong answer. There is just that
place you know is the best place for you to be. For you to be you.
Lynelle Clark
Posted by 