Change is hard- but so is life

 

As an adult, I don’t think we ever stop learning. With every disappointment we learn something new. If we are smart we will actually apply some of this education to our own lives. Most of the time we do nothing. It is easier to stick with the status quo and stay with what feels familiar. What I have discovered is that it is never too late to make a change. Even though change can be uncomfortable, sometimes it is necessary for our sanity. Whether it is a job change, a move or as large as walking away from a long term relationship. There is no time like the present! There is no reason any of us should have to feel stuck in a life that makes us miserable. We only have one life and this one life should fulfill our expectations if not exceed them. If I could go back in the past I would do so many things differently. That doesn’t mean a thing unless you put the past behind you. What I can do, what we can all do, is look to the future and live the lives we were dreaming about living.

When I left my marriage of fifteen years I considered sticking around because it was predictable and safe. Most of all I had made a commitment for life. I felt like I would be considered a bad person if I didn’t follow through with this vow. I thought I owed it to my husband to stay with him until the end because he nursed me back to health while I was sick. I believe he also thought that was enough reason for me to stay. When I started talking about leaving he was in total disbelief. It caught him by surprise. Up until then, he hadn’t a clue. Because of his good deeds I think he assumed I was a sure thing and that he could always count on me to stick around. By then I believe he started to take me and our relationship for granted. What kind of person would walk out on a guy who did everything in his power to make sure I survived the worst of the life's trials? He must have thought his good deeds gave him a little extra leverage. What kind of monster would walk out on a man whose intentions were so good and so pure?

When I left him I became his enemy. I did him wrong but at the same time I was truer to myself than I had ever been. I followed my heart. It is not as if I didn’t agree with his assessment of me, I did. I believed he was right. What a terrible person I had become, I thought to myself. Those inner voices in my head were not too kind. Basically I endlessly chastised myself up for what I had done. Other people deserved breaks, but I did not. I spent months blaming myself for my bad deeds. I didn’t take it into consideration that I had been unhappy for the longest time. I lived with a feeling of emptiness way before he became my caretaker and my life support. I put everything under the rug because change scared me and of course there was that “commitment.” Looking back, maybe the thought of finding happiness scared me. I had lived one way for so long that I had became accustomed to my misery.  Reflecting back I was so dead inside. My marriage left me depleted with a big fat void that I couldn’t have imagined could ever be filled.

If I would have stayed with that thought I wouldn’t have been able to experience the great joy that now is my life. It took everything in my power to make this change. Now as I ponder that thought, I am so grateful that I had the strength and the self love to finally put myself first.    

Brenda Perlin Author of Brooklyn & Bo Chronicles  

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New Year -- New Possibilities and New Encounters

   

                                                        (Courtesy of http://all-free-download.com)
Happy New Year to all my readers, single, divorced or dating again or not!

At this time of year, most of us make resolutions for what they want to achieve. Without having statistical evidence to prove it, I dare say more of them will be broken than actually accomplished. But we keep trying-- that's human nature and that is a good thing.

In the run-up to Valentine's Day, you will find contributions by different writers that deal with love (lost & found), relationships and dating. I invited a number of authors and bloggers who write about this topic; some are new to this subject --at least in writing as we all have had experience with it in our lives.

I'm inviting you to check in here to for entertainment. Maybe you want to compare notes if you're in the dating trenches as well or perhaps even find some useful tips. I'm particularly looking forward to articles from male writers. Love  and romance is widely considered to be a female domain.

My Facebook site Singles & Dating Advice has offered many a good reference to dating related sites and given useful information.; some humorous advice too. You will make me very happy if you Like  that page or my other  one Next Time Lucky on FB.
Although I don't work as a matchmaker anymore, this subject seems to follow me around, but I want to get some  others involved and share their perspectives with you.

Let's make 2014 a good year--whether you find your soulmate or not.

                                                        (Thanks again to http://all-free-download.com)

How to find Love?...(contd.)

Today, when almost half of all marriages fail, many divorced people playing the dating game turn to the Internet in their search for love. An increasing number of websites is available for advice. Even help-sites for senior citizens or baby-boomers if you prefer, now have a category dealing with all aspects of relationships and how to get back into one.
A myriad of websites pop up when you do an Internet search. They are catering to different type of client groups and their various requirements. Confusing at the start, they can be easily narrowed down into groups suitable to a person’s need, however. If you look for a long-term relationship or marriage partner, who will steer clear from the sites that concentrate on the sexual, adventurous, ‘right-now’ aspect. Maybe your choice draws you towards the big names you have heard about that maybe even advertise on TV and have gained customer recognition nationwide. Most of them come with a fee attached. Maybe you want to start with free sites if you are a little cautious about the whole thing.
Since online dating has lost much of its stigma that accompanied it a decade ago you may even swap notes with friends and exchange experiences. It’s also a good idea to share part of your online adventures with a trusted friend from the safety point of view.
The main thing to remember is an open mind towards the unexpected, a positive attitude and a smile on your face. If you smile at the world, the world is bound to smile back at you. And it makes you so much more attractive.