Why Knot?

Indeed, why not?
With Valentine's Day rolling around again, some couples (or singles!) will ask that question.
Woman in a relationship: "Should we get married?"
Single woman: "When will I get married?"
Not that we need the craze of an ubercommercalized Day of Love, at some stage in our lives we are bound to be thinking about love and where it leads us...or doesn't.

We all love to love. And when we finally have tracked down our soulmate, somebody eventually pops the question. What follows is a nuptial superfest with all the trimmings, foreshadowing the romantic picture of everlasting married bliss, with a couple of delightful children frolicking on a green lawn behind a picket fence....and a dog or two.

But is it really worth it to tie the knot? A wedding bonanza easily sets you back by $30,000 - 50,000, although creative DIY- aficionados/as can ease the pain considerably.
The latest statistics claim that marriage survival rates have risen to a whopping 60%. When I was a matchmaker, your chance was barely 50% - enough to make a whole generation of divorce-struck off-spring remain single. Plus married people tend to live longer.

Getting married - or at least cohabitating - makes people financially more secure than their single living counterparts. According to Pew Research same-sex college-educated couples have the highest median adjusted household income. (The study was done before same-sex marriage was legalized).
Still, for most couples, getting married is the endgame.
Let's not think of the bank-breaking costs of a nasty divorce yet.

This article was inspired and photo taken from my local magazine called VOID Feb2016. Yes, funny name that...

FIVE LAWS OF COMMITMENT

Commitment is an anchor that holds two ends together whereby both parties agree not to stress the string attaching them.

When you are committed to someone you don't do things that would loosen the tie that pairs you both.

There are strong laws of commitment that can help you to thrive a better relationship.

THE LAW OF BECOMING ONE. When you are committed to someone you should see yourself as an equal to your partner, never deprive your partner the chance to show you how valuable you are to them. Also,give love and value to that person the way you value yourself.

Most people believe that once they are married to a woman the woman typically becomes a slave to them, show your partner respect

THE LAW OF FIDELITY. To be committed to someone you need to understand that human beings basically hate sharing precious things, A man won't give his customized luxury car to his friend for 3 days to test drive, so nobody wants to see their valued partner engage in infidelity.

THE LAW OF SUPPORT. People can be insensitive to other peoples feelings, but supporting your partner is the ultimate. Men are not as open and sharing as women, so it is important that when your man confides in you, he needs you to show some support and share your opinion as well. As the saying goes " two heads are better than one", so support your partner weather male or female.

THE LAW OF ACHIEVING. Most people take their relationship to be a roller coaster, meaning they will just wait and see what the relationship brings, before you commit yourself in a relationship you should have plans of successful ending with that person. Don't let the relationship control you and your partner, know what you want and become someone who wants to achieve the best in that relationship. Give your very best, sacrifices, power, support and focus.

THE LAW OF UNDERSTANDING AND AGREEMENT. Its difficult for most couples to always agree due to the fact that most people prefer for someone to take their opinion rather than listening to advice and also because both parties come from different backgrounds. To welcome success in your relationship both party must build a high level of understanding and agreement. The thing that kills relationship the most is when a lady wants to be right always and while the man wants to be heard. It is therefore important to create a good understanding and communication in other to come to an agreement in your relationship .

By Good Ereseh

Facebook www.facebook.com/goodmatchmaking

Twitter @goodmatchmaking

Love and Life.

Good Ereseh

Matchmaker/Relationship Coach at Good Matchmaking Nigeria
08036741968

(+234) 08071496434

Change is hard- but so is life

 

As an adult, I don’t think we ever stop learning. With every disappointment we learn something new. If we are smart we will actually apply some of this education to our own lives. Most of the time we do nothing. It is easier to stick with the status quo and stay with what feels familiar. What I have discovered is that it is never too late to make a change. Even though change can be uncomfortable, sometimes it is necessary for our sanity. Whether it is a job change, a move or as large as walking away from a long term relationship. There is no time like the present! There is no reason any of us should have to feel stuck in a life that makes us miserable. We only have one life and this one life should fulfill our expectations if not exceed them. If I could go back in the past I would do so many things differently. That doesn’t mean a thing unless you put the past behind you. What I can do, what we can all do, is look to the future and live the lives we were dreaming about living.

When I left my marriage of fifteen years I considered sticking around because it was predictable and safe. Most of all I had made a commitment for life. I felt like I would be considered a bad person if I didn’t follow through with this vow. I thought I owed it to my husband to stay with him until the end because he nursed me back to health while I was sick. I believe he also thought that was enough reason for me to stay. When I started talking about leaving he was in total disbelief. It caught him by surprise. Up until then, he hadn’t a clue. Because of his good deeds I think he assumed I was a sure thing and that he could always count on me to stick around. By then I believe he started to take me and our relationship for granted. What kind of person would walk out on a guy who did everything in his power to make sure I survived the worst of the life's trials? He must have thought his good deeds gave him a little extra leverage. What kind of monster would walk out on a man whose intentions were so good and so pure?

When I left him I became his enemy. I did him wrong but at the same time I was truer to myself than I had ever been. I followed my heart. It is not as if I didn’t agree with his assessment of me, I did. I believed he was right. What a terrible person I had become, I thought to myself. Those inner voices in my head were not too kind. Basically I endlessly chastised myself up for what I had done. Other people deserved breaks, but I did not. I spent months blaming myself for my bad deeds. I didn’t take it into consideration that I had been unhappy for the longest time. I lived with a feeling of emptiness way before he became my caretaker and my life support. I put everything under the rug because change scared me and of course there was that “commitment.” Looking back, maybe the thought of finding happiness scared me. I had lived one way for so long that I had became accustomed to my misery.  Reflecting back I was so dead inside. My marriage left me depleted with a big fat void that I couldn’t have imagined could ever be filled.

If I would have stayed with that thought I wouldn’t have been able to experience the great joy that now is my life. It took everything in my power to make this change. Now as I ponder that thought, I am so grateful that I had the strength and the self love to finally put myself first.    

Brenda Perlin Author of Brooklyn & Bo Chronicles  

Amazon page  

FB link  https://www.facebook.com/BrooklynandBoChronicles

https://www.facebook.com/brenda.perlin

   

A Never Ending Story

Dating and finding love is a merry-go-round. Lucky the ones who are in the saddle already, installed in a loving relationship or marriage!

As a former matchmaker and dating consultant I’ve often been asked “Why has it become so difficult to find the right person? Where are the good men? What should I do to find that elusive mate?” The list goes on and on. In spite of our ever increasing connections, networking, and socializing possibilities the problem seems to grow. And it's not just older, divorced people who say they lack opportunities but also the younger generation that wants to settle down-- what I call the first timers.

At the beginning of a new year, after a boring –lonely—New Year’s Eve, many singles make a resolution that they want to find love now; the sooner the better. Definitely in time for Valentine’s Day that is looming on the horizon. Many websites catering to singles and their needs offer dating advice. I like Adventures in Delicious Dating for over 40s.

Sites that care about your personal well-being and happiness like Positively Positive, or Dr. Tranquility and her dating protocols are a quintessential step in getting help—if singles want it. Some of them advertize on my Facebook page Singles & Dating Advice. Check it out as well as my blog www.NextTimelucky.blogpsot.com.

There's also a gazillion books on the topic, self-help books and novels. Take  a peek at the category of Best Relationship Non-Fiction on Good reads. 74 books are listed and my book Next Time Lucky: Lessons of a Matchmaker  is #1. The need is there; the audience is there looking for answers.

That’s why I'm  relaunching my book Next Time Lucky: How to Find Your Mr. Right with an added  new chapter of practical dating tips. After all, I was a pro….I’ll be interviewed about my book again on Thursday between 6.30 – 7.00 P.M/EST by Dr. Tranquility’s on her blog talk radio show. Listeners and callers are welcome!

I’ll see you on the radio.

Siggy Buckley

Teasers

I'd like to offer you a few quotes from my book Next time Lucky: Lessons of a Matchmaker on a regular basis. (Reviews you can find on Amazon).

Do you stay with a man who can’t kiss?

Do you stay with a man who has no imagination or fantasies?              

Do you stay with a man who doesn’t go down on you? But likes getting blowjobs?

Do you stay with a man who doesn’t love you enough to tie the knot but only wants the convenience of a provisional arrangement?

Do you stay with a man when the magic is gone, but the security of the set-up is still intact?

Does the answer depend on your age? Experience? Expectations? Your bank account? Or maybe his?

Comments?

Yet another New Year's Resolution

I recently spent a week in a Migraine Clinic. On admittance, I was asked for my goal of the day. A nurse was going to write it on a whiteboard in my room. Stunned, I thought that was obvious: To be pain-free.

To have a goal is one thing but how to get there is quite another. But like the Chinese saying goes:”Every journey begins with the first step.”

You know what I’m getting at if you’re single and reading this. You have tried for a while on your own or the help of well-meaning friends –if you’re lucky-to find that elusive person. Now you’re curious to get some advice from a pro who has occupied herself with matters of the heart for years. At this time of year you read a lot of about New Year’s Resolutions. Everybody seems to be setting them. Have you? Did you set yourself goals for 2012 in other areas of your life? How about your love department?

The goal is obvious: Find a partner in crime (marriage, loving relationship, live –in lover whatever your target may be; someone to wake up with and spend time with, someone to hold your hand for a while, someone to walk hand in hand with. Like with every goal setting you need a step-by-step plan how to get there. And sometimes it’s baby steps you have to make.

With gazillion self help books out there reaching from “Dating for Dummies” to “How to Catch a man and Keep him “you certainly have enough material available to start a proper research into the subject matter to get you on your way. Maybe you have done that already?

In my forties I was in your shoes and faced the same predicament. I was divorced, in a foreign country and had two teenage children which slightly complicated the matter. I don’t want you to do what I did and buy a matchmaking company in order to get access to as many available candidates as possible; or, as journalist phrased it to my utter embarrassment –and that of my children-“To skim the milk of the cream.”

Yeah, in a way that’s what I wanted in spite of the huge price tag attached to it. But at the time there were very few alternatives for separated or divorced-I like to call them recycled- people in Ireland. Ireland had only just legally gotten the divorce in 1996.

You on the other hand have all these agencies out there to be of your assistance - online or personal. (Yes, the personal ones or matchmakers still exist if you prefer one to one personalized service, if a bit more expensive). The choice is yours.

I had fun running the agency, dealing with people, meeting nice clients, learning about life, myself and my own expectations from life. At the same time, I made money and “Combined business with pleasure” as another cheeky reporter put it. You can do the same when signing up with any of these agencies or several if you must. You will learn about yourself not just about the potential partners. You will grow through the experience, it will make you stronger, a more determined, experienced, savvy person, not a more frustrated one, I hope. You may have to do baby-steps, self-scrutiny being one of them. No, that’s a bigger one.

A motto that I learned from one of my older clients should guide you on this journey or quest: the 3 Ls “Living, Laughter and Loving.”

If you want to read more of this expert’s advice, get my book Next Time Lucky or what this space.