All I Need is You

"Life does not prepare us enough, nor is life on the curriculum of any school.  Our hormones keep pushing us into the direction of mating, sometimes successfully, sometimes erroneously.  Yet we all stumble on, looking for another chance in this school of hard knocks, often resigning ourselves to not having any luck in this game of love." (Excerpt from Next Time Lucky).

As if life wasn't difficult enough without the interference of our hormones, modern courtship no longer deals with handwritten love letters and date nights in solitude. Couples have to deal with distractions of our modern technology advanced era. Challenges like phones and social media vie for your time together and apart. Throw Facebook, Instagram as well as Tinder and every chatroom into the mix, a budding relationship can truly become a puzzle.

The ever present phone can ruin a romantic meal; tapping on your phone and receiving messages while on a date not only sends the wrong signals to the person in front of you but may also be a telltale sign that the attraction is not mutual.

My simple Valentine Day's date advice: ditch your phone, concentrate on your date, read body language and listen! Yes, the old fashioned tuning in to the person that interests you. 

Why Knot?

Indeed, why not?
With Valentine's Day rolling around again, some couples (or singles!) will ask that question.
Woman in a relationship: "Should we get married?"
Single woman: "When will I get married?"
Not that we need the craze of an ubercommercalized Day of Love, at some stage in our lives we are bound to be thinking about love and where it leads us...or doesn't.

We all love to love. And when we finally have tracked down our soulmate, somebody eventually pops the question. What follows is a nuptial superfest with all the trimmings, foreshadowing the romantic picture of everlasting married bliss, with a couple of delightful children frolicking on a green lawn behind a picket fence....and a dog or two.

But is it really worth it to tie the knot? A wedding bonanza easily sets you back by $30,000 - 50,000, although creative DIY- aficionados/as can ease the pain considerably.
The latest statistics claim that marriage survival rates have risen to a whopping 60%. When I was a matchmaker, your chance was barely 50% - enough to make a whole generation of divorce-struck off-spring remain single. Plus married people tend to live longer.

Getting married - or at least cohabitating - makes people financially more secure than their single living counterparts. According to Pew Research same-sex college-educated couples have the highest median adjusted household income. (The study was done before same-sex marriage was legalized).
Still, for most couples, getting married is the endgame.
Let's not think of the bank-breaking costs of a nasty divorce yet.

This article was inspired and photo taken from my local magazine called VOID Feb2016. Yes, funny name that...

Groundhog Day

Does going on yet another date trigger off anxiety and doubts, a feeling of Déjà vu?
Have you tried Tinder and several other online chat rooms or dating sites which never bring the desired results? Does the memory of Groundhog Day come to mind with each passing year that you're still looking for Prince Charming, your soulmate or at least Mr. Right Now?

Why are there now over 800 apps available to facilitate meeting that special someone besides the "traditional" dating sites and yet it doesn't become easier? In my view they only make people more non-committal. Because there is always another person waiting to be checked it who may be even better suited or just better looking.

Why do we never meet the right people?

                                                      Chat rooms are like candy stores
                                                                    (click link to play)

If all of that sounds familiar, it's time to try something new. Something proven to work:
Stop Searching - Start Finding: Go to a reputable matchmaker.

I consider myself an online dating pioneer. It was a novelty when I cruised dating sites after a heart-wrenching break-up in 2001 although I was a matchmaker myself in Ireland. I couldn't date my own clients. I was well-known in Ireland thanks to my successful marriage bureau and extensive media coverage. I wanted to look further afield too. Hence the international online dating spree.

My story is captured in my memoir Next Time Lucky:Memoirs of  a Matchmaker.
And in its second edition which also contains chapters with invaluable dating advice Next Time Lucky: How to Find Your Mr. Right.

The main thing is to have fun while on the look-out!
And remember: As long as you breathe you can start over again, reinvent yourself and change your attitude to the mate selection process.

Hang 10: Tips from a Matchmaker

With Valentine's approaching, it's the time of year again to double your efforts  when you're single. At least in your head: What could you do in order to have a date at least if not Mr. Right on your arm?

My latest interview with a local newspaper Beaches Leader (1-22-15) asked me the same question in their Hang 10. If you can't get hold of a copy, here are my answers:

1. How did you get started as a writer? 

2. Was your writing always on the topic of love and relationships?

3. What made you decide to take your writing in this direction? 

4. How do you come up with the advice you give to others? 

5. Does a lot of your advice come from person experience? 

6. How have your dating tips changed with the evolution of online dating? 

7. If you could give one dating tip to all singles, what would it be?

8. What do you believe is the biggest dating mistake someone can make? 

9. What's your favorite part about helping others find love? 

10. What is your advice for Beaches singles looking to meet someone?

                                          

Answers:

1. Even as student I wanted to be a journalist, became a language teacher instead. Then"Sex and the City" --notably Carrie Bradshaw- inspired me to write my own diary of similar questions that haunted me: Sex in the Country.
2.No, that's how it started; mostly I write biographic also as poems, short stories or travelogs.
3.My own experience as  a divorced woman in Ireland who started her own dating business to find Mr. Right.
4. As a matchmaker, I became the agony aunt for my clients. I monitored their progress and knew what worked and what not.
5. ...as well as business experience. You live and you learn, it's on no school curriculum.
6. My book reflects my experience as an internet dating pioneer. I'm no longer in the business, but the nature of people doesn't change that much. Only the apps!
7. Don't leave your personality at the door of a relationship! (Be who you are!)
8. To be talking about your ex all the time and compare everyone to them.
9.I loved wedding invitations and births announcements!
10.Check back with me in a year to find out where the hot spots are. In the meantime, read my book Next Time Lucky: How to Find Your Mr. Right- in particular, the chapters at the end with dating advice.

                                                             

For more dating tips, tune in to WJCT (local NPR), on 89.9 0n 2/13 for my interview with Melissa Ross at 9.a.m.

Dating as Easy as Pie?

One of the big dating sites whose great articles I often promote here, currently has a title up:"Dating is easy as 1,2,3." Really? Ask anybody who has been in the dating trenches lately if they agree?

Then I wondered how can they claim that? I deliberately did not read their article. (Not because I'm afraid of plagiarism.) As a former matchmaker and serial dater myself, I could claim the opposite and have many  story to support this.

Where do you meet somebody? How do you go about it? Does it become more difficult as we grow older? Is online dating the answer? If so, which daring site to subscribe to? How do you write a profile?
When you make the first contacts how to do separate the wheat from the chaff? How do you know people are serious? Do you have a criminal background check done on them?

Then the actual first date? What to wear? Where to meet? Dinner? Coffee? What about security? I never had the impression it was easy. That's why we have matchmakers...to guide you. Even they aren't always successful).

So here is my own personal answer, my take on why is can be easier than you think:
First and  foremost: Are you ready for a new relationship?  (I hear adamant and vehement yeses!) What are your expectations? Are they realistic? 
Now asnwer this: Would you date yourself? Are there things about your appearance, attitude, as well as behavior that could be improved upon? Consult with an impartial person- friends may not give the best advice!)
Do you have an open attitude to new possibilities? Are you willing to leave your comfort zone?
High earners pay big money to head hunters.Why not employ the expertise of a matchmaker? If you decide to go the internet dating route, there are gazillion books to guide you.

My advice to you: Know what you want. Stay true to yourself! But consider my suggestions above.  Next Timel Lucky: How to Find your Mr. Right now offers practical dating tips.

I'm not saying it is easy. But you should make it as easy on yourself as possible.
( I still haven't read that article!)




 and how you can make it easier on yourself!