A week before Christmas I got an email from an acquaintance,
Rob, whom I had met in the summer in Dublin
at a business do through the German Embassy.
That night, he had tried very hard to get into my knickers, but I am not
one for one-night-stands and embarrassing morning-afters. “Make coffee, please…or can’t you do that
either?” as the old German adage goes.
We had been in touch since then regularly by email. Rob was a great one for sending funny emails,
which was fast becoming the latest craze on the Internet. I was in stitches over this one:
“WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
What do you expect from
such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care
of themselves.
Chocolate is just another
snack.
You can be President.
You can never be
pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt
to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt
to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you
the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive
to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop
and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
People never stare at
your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered
belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut,
blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood! ALL the time!
Phone conversations are
over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about
tanks.
A five-day vacation
requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own
jars.
You get extra credit for
the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to
invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95
for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are
more than enough.
You almost never have
strap problems in public.
You are unable to see
wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face
stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts
for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave
your face and neck.
You can play with toys
all your life.
Your belly usually hides
your big hips.
One wallet and one color
of shoes for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no
matter how your legs look.
You can "do"
your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of
choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas
shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are
happier.”
I had always suspected that men get the better deal. Now, my resolve was clear: next time round,
I’ll be a man.
Rob was a practical joker. For the rest of the chapter, go to Scribd. Read it for free!
