A week before Christmas I got an email from an acquaintance, Rob, whom I had met in the summer in Dublin at a business do through the German Embassy. That night, he had tried very hard to get into my knickers, but I am not one for one-night-stands and embarrassing morning-afters. “Make coffee, please…or can’t you do that either?” as the old German adage goes.
We had been in touch since then regularly by email. Rob was a great one for sending funny emails, which was fast becoming the latest craze on the Internet. I was in stitches over this one:
“WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood! ALL the time!
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one color of shoes for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.”
I had always suspected that men get the better deal. Now, my resolve was clear: next time round, I’ll be a man.Rob was a practical joker.
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