Some reviews

Why is it so difficult to meet somebody today?

In spite of all the networking possibilities and social media?

If you are Single, Divorced or Widowed and want to get back into the Dating game, if you're looking for that elusive partner, you will be interested to hear how a pro went about it. I was a matchmaker in Ireland and had my own dating agency. I'm sharing my experience and insider views with my readers. For more info see my book's website:!

I had the honor of being asked to come on the local NBC show First Coast Living twice in the last week to give dating advice. If you missed it, you can read all that stuff in my book.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Change is hard- but so is life

As an adult, I don’t think we ever stop learning. With every disappointment we learn something new. If we are smart we will actually apply some of this education to our own lives. Most of the time we do nothing. It is easier to stick with the status quo and stay with what feels familiar. What I have discovered is that it is never too late to make a change. Even though change can be uncomfortable, sometimes it is necessary for our sanity. Whether it is a job change, a move or as large as walking away from a long term relationship. There is no time like the present! There is no reason any of us should have to feel stuck in a life that makes us miserable. We only have one life and this one life should fulfill our expectations if not exceed them. If I could go back in the past I would do so many things differently. That doesn’t mean a thing unless you put the past behind you. What I can do, what we can all do, is look to the future and live the lives we were dreaming about living.

When I left my marriage of fifteen years I considered sticking around because it was predictable and safe. Most of all I had made a commitment for life. I felt like I would be considered a bad person if I didn’t follow through with this vow. I thought I owed it to my husband to stay with him until the end because he nursed me back to health while I was sick. I believe he also thought that was enough reason for me to stay. When I started talking about leaving he was in total disbelief. It caught him by surprise. Up until then, he hadn’t a clue. Because of his good deeds I think he assumed I was a sure thing and that he could always count on me to stick around. By then I believe he started to take me and our relationship for granted. What kind of person would walk out on a guy who did everything in his power to make sure I survived the worst of the life's trials? He must have thought his good deeds gave him a little extra leverage. What kind of monster would walk out on a man whose intentions were so good and so pure?

When I left him I became his enemy. I did him wrong but at the same time I was truer to myself than I had ever been. I followed my heart. It is not as if I didn’t agree with his assessment of me, I did. I believed he was right. What a terrible person I had become, I thought to myself. Those inner voices in my head were not too kind. Basically I endlessly chastised myself up for what I had done. Other people deserved breaks, but I did not. I spent months blaming myself for my bad deeds. I didn’t take it into consideration that I had been unhappy for the longest time. I lived with a feeling of emptiness way before he became my caretaker and my life support. I put everything under the rug because change scared me and of course there was that “commitment.” Looking back, maybe the thought of finding happiness scared me. I had lived one way for so long that I had became accustomed to my misery.  Reflecting back I was so dead inside. My marriage left me depleted with a big fat void that I couldn’t have imagined could ever be filled.

If I would have stayed with that thought I wouldn’t have been able to experience the great joy that now is my life. It took everything in my power to make this change. Now as I ponder that thought, I am so grateful that I had the strength and the self love to finally put myself first.    

Brenda Perlin Author of Brooklyn & Bo Chronicles