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Why is it so difficult to meet somebody today?

In spite of all the networking possibilities and social media?

If you are Single, Divorced or Widowed and want to get back into the Dating game, if you're looking for that elusive partner, you will be interested to hear how a pro went about it. I was a matchmaker in Ireland and had my own dating agency. I'm sharing my experience and insider views with my readers. For more info see my book's website:!

I had the honor of being asked to come on the local NBC show First Coast Living twice in the last week to give dating advice. If you missed it, you can read all that stuff in my book.

Thursday, June 13, 2013


What the hell is it? Do you know anything about it? Do you approve of it? Does it need approving? Does it bother you? How do people even do it? And why? More questions than answers?
Let me tackle this delicate topic one by one.
Cybersex is also called Internet sex, netsex or mudsex (?).  On a website called I found:” Cyber sex is an alternative kind of sex that couples and singles alike are engaging in. The beauty of cyber sex is that you can remain totally anonymous…”Bliss, no obligations, no commitments!
When I started cyber-dating around the turn of the millennium, I came across all types of people. Mostly they claimed they were in it –online—to find love, a partner, maybe even one for marriage. Naturally, most men wanted sex—sooner or later.  And judging from other women’s photos, they had many women to choose from who were out there for the same purpose. A few men explicitly wanted to have cybersex and this was on a “regular” dating site, not XXX –rated or Adults Only which is a tell-tale sign of another agenda.
Though I wasn’t exactly an old fogey, I didn’t know what it was. The topic was only brought up during chats with some guys after a while, after we had established a certain trust or shall I say amount of openness where you talk about sex as well – not just your favorite activities like going to restaurants or walks on the beach. (Who doesn’t?). I always claimed, I didn’t have a camera on my PC to wiggle out of that situation.

An episode of Ally Mc Beal on TV was another eye-opener. If that smart lawyer could fall for a guy and have cybersex with somebody who turned out to be a sixteen-year-old geek and his mother came after her. ..You better beware! You never know what you’re letting yourself in for on the Internet/ while online dating or what you’re getting.   
Cybersex doesn’t require a real live encounter. It’s readily available literally any time -- at your fingertips. No pun intended. It’s just another way of masturbation.  And it’s cheaper than calling a sex hotline. I know a guy who is still in debt over these calls and lost his wife.
Some people use pornography, others attach a camera to their PC and need somebody to watch or watch them. Maybe it’s more thrilling than watching pornography that is getting more and more explicit and the threshold for excitement and an even better thrill needs to be fed constantly. But how many variations on the theme are there? Now many different ways of licking, sucking and tweaking certain body parts? You get the gist.   
For others it can become the alternative to cheating on a spouse.  Surely preferable  when you’re married? There is this strange phenomenon, however, that dependency and addiction to these online relationships-- if virtual only-- develop.
Given my background in matchmaking and being a dating specialist, I figured that it will appeal to those who have relationship issues, intimacy issues, or those who are too timid to let a person into their lives.
In my opinion, it’s not a substitute for the real thing. Although I need to modify this claim immediately: “In creepy sex toy news, Durex has invented an app that lets people have cyber sex "with touch" over the internet. “There you go—a step forward more towards or back towards the real thing? The cynic in me is asking.
But our environment keeps changing and there is a generation out there that doesn’t want to run the risk off a real relationship anymore. They are single but not looking: “Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone."  
Or in the case of Japan, can’t afford it:” News out of Japan has confirmed this for a number of years: Japanese find sex and relationships too messy, tiring and "potentially humiliating".
So I leave it up to my reader if cybersex needs approval. For some it’s just a pastime. Inexpensive, doing no harm as long as consenting adults are involved. And that was exactly what the blurb of a book I just finished reading claimed:” This is a real cybersex story/role play carried out in real life with a willing participant who is over the age of 18. “

The booklet was more harmless than what I stumbled upon in any Penthouse copy back in the day. The author might have just decided to submit it for the consideration of a naughty magazine. But now it’s made into a “book”. And I downloaded it because it was for free. What better way to further my education?